Thursday, November 11, 2004


I'm not quite sure how to take this.

I must admit that I don't really know too much about Ms. Minelli, so maybe this is normal for her. The only thing that sticks in my mind, other than when she was on Arrested Development (HA!), is this one picture I saw in this People yearbook. This picture shall be known as the "Scariest Celebrity Picture Ever". Why this name, you might ask? Well, it all has to do with the four people in this picture.
  1. Liza Minelli, who is obvioulsy a little scary if she is forcing bodyguards to do her.
  2. That guy she married, who is incredibly scary because he looks like an alien.
  3. Elizabeth Taylor, who is not so much scary as she is really drugged-out and weird.
  4. Michael Jackson, who is Michael Jackson, a name that has become scary.

The picture was taken at Liza's and that weird guy's wedding, where Liz and Jacko served as maid-of-honor and best man, respectively. One word: SCARY. Who wants to look at those freaks when you are walking up the aisle? I really should try to find this picture, because it is so freakin' scary to look at. You can just look at that picture and feel the craziness that must have been present at that ceremony.

But back to the bodyguard. Call me crazy, but I'm thinking it couldn't be too hard to defend yourself against Ms. Minelli. I'm not talking about beating up on her, because I am not about hitting the ladies, but I think a person in somewhat normal shape could probably outrun her. Or hold her arms down. Or push her onto a couch or something. Or throw her drugs across the room, forcing her to chase after them while you haul ass out the room shouting, "Damn bitch, you crazy." It just doesn't seem like that would be impossible. Nevermind the fact that it is a lot harder to force us guys to have sex with someone considering we have to, ahem, perform and all. We're not talking about Sarah Michelle Gellar here. I don't think the bodyguard was jumping at the chance to bed Ms. Minelli. So I'm not sure about the validity of this story. I guess we shall wait and see what kind of counter-suit Little Liza will fire back. One can only hope that it involves Michael Jackson in some way.


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